My name is Zara, and this October will mark two years since I said hello and goodbye to my daughter on the same day.
Emmy Rose Whelan was stillborn at full term. By the time she entered the world, she was already deeply loved, wanted, and part of our family. I think that's the piece people struggle to understand about stillbirth. it isn't simply the loss of a baby. It's the loss of an entire lifetime of hopes, dreams, and memories that were meant to be. I had spent months bonding with her, imagining her future, preparing her room, picking out the little things I thought she'd need. The grief didn't start the day she was born. It started with losing every single moment that was supposed to come after.
I am still her mother. She is still my daughter. That doesn't stop because her heart did.
Living With Two Children
I have a son, Arlo. He's four now, full of questions and energy and a curiosity about the world that keeps me on my toes. He knows he has a sister. I tell him Emmy is up with the stars, watching over him, and he'll sometimes point at the night sky and tell her about his day. It's a strange kind of parenting, raising a living child alongside the memory of the one I couldn't bring home, but I've learned that grief and joy can sit in the same room together. Arlo has taught me that.
Why I Started Emmy's Blooms
Here in Tasmania, I found there wasn't much support around for parents like me. What helped me most wasn't advice, and it wasn't anyone trying to fix how I felt. It was being seen. It was being heard. It was having my daughter recognised as the beautiful little girl she was.
Sometimes that came from another bereaved parent who truly understood without me having to explain. Sometimes it was a family member who gave me space to talk about Emmy without judgment. Sometimes it was a friend who checked in months later and still remembered her name. Those moments told me I wasn't alone, and that my daughter's life mattered.
So, I started an Instagram page called Emmy's Blooms, in her honour. On our farm, I grow flowers. real, beautiful, living things, and I use them in ways that feel like an extension of her. Some go to weddings. Some go to funeral homes, arranged for other families walking through loss of their own. There's something about growing something so alive in her name that feels like the right way to carry her forward.
The Cuddle Cot
One of the things I'm proudest of is raising money for a cuddle cot for our local hospital. They only had one. I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if more than one mother needed it at the same time, if another family would have to go without those precious, cooling hours to hold their baby a little longer, simply because the timing didn't work out. No mother should lose that time because of something as fixable as equipment. So, I raised the funds, and now our hospital has more than one.
What I Want People to Understand
Something else I wish more people understood is that grief doesn't have an end date. The world keeps moving, but for parents like me, the love for our child never fades. Emmy Rose will always be my daughter, and I will always be her mother. The pain changes over time, but the loss remains part of who I am.
I also believe there needs to be more recognition that stillborn babies matter. Emmy Rose existed. She was real. She was loved beyond words, and she will always have a place in our family. Saying her name, remembering her, and acknowledging her life means more than most people can imagine.
By sharing my story, I hope to help others understand that baby loss is not something you "get over." It's something you learn to carry. I hope for a world where bereaved parents feel supported, where their babies are remembered, and where children like my daughter are never forgotten.
Emmy Rose Whelan. My daughter. Always.
The free Red Nose Grief and Loss Support Line is available 24/7: 1300 308 307.
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Red Nose Day aims to raise $2 million this year, to help save little lives and support grieving families. To register or donate visit rednoseday.org.au
