Tashana’s story

22 Jul 2024

In loving memory of Kalani

We have a family picture of Kalani at the beach - she was an Aquarian, so we know she would’ve loved the beach. We also knew she’d love the water because she always responded when I was in the bath, pool or ocean.

Looking back, I had a straightforward textbook pregnancy with Kalani. My partner Isaac and I were excited to meet her! She was our first baby and the first grandchild on both sides. 

I went to the hospital at 40 weeks 3 days to be induced due to reduced movement, but due to staff shortages I wasn’t able to be induced until three days later at 40 weeks and 6 days. 

All was well and seemed okay during labour and the induction. I was given an epidural and while the labour was a bit of a blur, I can remember the midwives expressing concern that the contractions were back-to-back, but baby seemed okay. 

After a few hours, the call was made to go to theatre for an emergency caesarean after Kalani’s heartbeat dropped to around 40bpm.

The room whirled around me, people in the room zoomed hurriedly making decisions, but all the while I stayed calm knowing I would meet my precious little girl very soon. I got put under general anaesthetic with one of the last thoughts being I didn’t think anybody realised the severity of the situation. 

I woke up asking for our girl who I had spent almost 10 months waiting for, only to be told by my partner that she didn’t make it.

My world came crashing down – our hopes of Kalani to have a long and happy life gone in a matter of hours. I was in disbelief, in shock and the reality of losing Kalani soon sunk in. I was devastated! Kalani was fine when we started the induction, she was born with a heartbeat and was worked on for over an hour, but she didn’t come to.

Being supported by Red Nose

We were put in touch with Red Nose by the hospital and we were given flyers and brochures with support information for parents who had experienced child loss. 

Red Nose were a lifeline for me – I had a number to call and resources that would help me on the days I felt down and I’m so thankful that I had the support of the Red Nose Grief and Loss service. 

To the parents who have also experienced the pain I have, I’m sorry you know of this pain. Take the time to lean on those around you. The grief will stay the same, but you will earn to grow around it. 

This year, we will mark Red Nose Day by wearing our red noses, saying Kalani’s name as we always do, supporting other bereaved parents and donating to the cause where we can.

Reach out to Red Nose for support. The free Red Nose Support Line is available 24/7: 1300 308 307. 

There are many ways to get involved in this year’s Red Nose Day. You can fundraise in honour of a little life, host a Red Nose Disco or buy merchandise. 

Red Nose Day aims to raise $1 million this year, to help save little lives and support grieving families. To register or donate visit rednoseday.org.au. 

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